Let's Keep Things in Perspective

Let's keep things in proportion friends. Today I have a column in Portfolio.com expounding on the ten seminal business news stories of the past decade. But reading through Gawker today, I stumbled upon a story that I should have included.

The coffee at Goldman Sachs is not up to snuff! The shocking facts can be found here.

According to a mole, Goldman apparently stocks the cheapest, worst generic coffee imaginable in its staff kitchens - despite protests from the caffeine-deficient. "It's beyond horrible," explained our source. "You work a lot of hours so you have to go down to the cafeteria and spend money on Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts." There is talk within the ranks that this is a ploy to boost cafeteria takings, as any imprecations to improve the standard of free coffee fall on deaf ears.

I honestly don't know how the poor darlings survive under such abysmal working conditions. Can you imagine? Some of them actually have to go to Dunkin Donuts to get a decent brew!

Goldman is set to pay $16.7 billion in bonuses to these coffee-deprived, caffeine-starved crybabies. They would not be drinking their bad coffee on the way to the bank if it wasn't for a poorly conceived taxpayer bailout.

Most Americans drink bad coffee, made from cheap beans, and the unemployed ones are having trouble buying even that.

Oh, and it gets worse. Someone commented:

"This is the same firm that (at least at one point) refused to buy colored file folders, only plain manila. "We don't do color."

I don't know if I can sleep tonight after reading this. Please, someone send the suffering masses at Goldman Sachs some colored file folders and fresh, hot coffee made with Arabica beans!

© 2009 Gary Weiss. All rights reserved.