Friday, August 31, 2007

Larry Craig is CEO Material

There's word today Idaho Senator Larry Craig is about to quit the U.S. Senate. This is bad news for the Senate, where Craig has been serving as Permanent Chairman of the Senate Hypocrisy Caucus.

However, the Senate's loss is a gain for Corporate America.

Craig's press conference the other day -- the one in which he explained why he is innocent even though he pleaded guilty -- makes him a superb candidate for CEO of any troubled company.

The man was flat-out lying, to be sure. But he lied with such conviction, such bravado.

Remember that the test of greatness in an excuse-mongering CEO is his ability to lie about stuff that is in the public record. It is not enough to be a liar. One must be a baldfaced liar.

Above all, one must know who to blame. The media, of course!

“For a moment, I want to put my state of mind into context on June 11. For 8 months leading up to June, my family and I had been relentlessly and viciously harassed by the Idaho Statesman. If you’ve seen today’s paper, you know why. Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been.”

“Still, without a shred of truth or evidence to the contrary, the Statesman has engaged in this witch hunt. In pleading guilty, I overreacted in Minneapolis, because of the stress of the Idaho Statesman’s investigation and the rumors it has fueled around Idaho. Again, that overreaction was a mistake, and I apologize for my misjudgment. Furthermore, I should not have kept this arrest to myself, and should have told my family and friends about it. I wasn’t eager to share this failure, but I should have done so anyway.”
Head hunters, take notice!

What I wonder is: can this man sell toasters? Nah, that position is already filled by an inveterate liar.

© 2007 Gary Weiss. All rights reserved.

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